The Courage to be Chaste, by Fr. Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R.
Book review by Bill Jones
Chastity as a Virtue for the Single and Religious Lives
In his book, The Courage to be Chaste, Father Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R. discusses the importance of chastity as a virtue in the religious and single lives. Chastity is perhaps the most difficult virtue to practice as a celibate individual. Anyone who decides to take a vow of celibacy will feel a need for companionship at some point in his or her life. As human beings, it is natural to desire to love and be loved in a special and exclusive way, and those who are called by God to live chaste celibate lives need to accept the fact that they will not experience that kind of love. Though a chaste person called to the single life will not experience matrimonial love with another individual, it does not mean that he or she cannot display or receive certain acts of love. Chastity is a way of life that God calls all people to live, and though it is a difficult challenge for celibate individuals to accept this calling, it can lead them to live good lives because it enables them to seek God and pray to Him for courage and guidance.
All people who are called to a celibate life must seek the courage to be chaste. Since sex is a desirable and exclusive act of love between a man and a woman, many single people struggle with sexual thoughts and actions. “Chastity for all Christians means avoiding sexual satisfaction from auto-eroticism or from deviant behavior. It does not mean isolation, rejection of human love and friendship, or refraining from certain non-genital behavior related to the expression of one’s sexuality. Chastity implies an heroic effort at times to confront the dark and self-centered aspects of one’s inner being.” When God calls certain people to live chaste celibate lives, it is a call to discipleship. The call to this life is also a test of faith because those whom God calls to live a chaste celibate lifestyle must seek His help through prayer. Anyone who decides to lead a chaste celibate lifestyle will feel lonely at some point. “The single person has to value aloneness, the state of being on one’s own. He or she must also have learned to overcome loneliness, that is, aloneness when it becomes a burden.” Those who feel lonely in their celibate lives should take advantage of the opportunity to come closer to God, for He is always there for anyone who is lonely. Through being alone, single celibate individuals can come closer to God and strengthen relationships with Him because they are able to create more space for Him since they do not have to care for a family. “For all Christians, married, single, or religious, chastity is not simply a struggle with physical urges and drives. It is part of the greater effort to seek God above and through all things. Chastity is an aspect of purity of mind and heart, of thought and desire.” Through learning about the importance and benefits of chastity, people can lead happy and productive lives through being celibate.
In today’s world, people are single for a variety of reasons, either because they are called to the religious life, the single life, or because they have a homosexual tendency. Those called to the religious life have a commitment to serve God through ministry. Since it is a big commitment, priests and lay ministers are called to serve God in their own special way through their service. People who are single are called to a life of discipleship. “The attempt to live a chaste single life is a specific form of discipleship. The awareness of discipleship is a great help to a person because it gives a purpose and goal to the price of singleness.” Through living the single life, people can be Disciples of Christ by taking leadership positions in everyday activities such as benefit organizations and parish events. Individuals with homosexual tendencies are not to be excluded from the ability to live meaningful lives. “I am convinced that the person with a strong homosexual attraction is called to a single life.” Even though a homosexual lifestyle is not intended by God, He allows people to have homosexual tendencies because through them, they come to learn about living productive chaste and celibate single lives.
Single people who do not belong to a religious order and do not intend to raise a family can serve God in their own special ways. Since single people do not have to make the same time commitments as those belonging to religious organizations or families, they have more time to serve God through serving others. Through working at various events such as parish functions, neighborhood gatherings, and at work, single people can get connected with many other people, and establish strong friendships. “Single people should cultivate a wide variety of friends. For them friends are more necessary than for those who are married.” Establishing friendships is an important aspect in the single life because it enables single people to share a form of love. Since love is a necessary virtue for everyone, all people should establish strong friendships in their lives to share it with.
Even in a life of chastity and celibacy, a certain kind of powerful love can be present if the celibate individual seeks to find it. Through prayer and service, chaste celibate people can find love and become engulfed in it. Through prayer, they can experience the love of God—the most powerful love of all. Through service, they can share their love with those whom they work with and enhance the experience, whatever it may be. Love is important for every human being, and though not all people are called to the exclusive love through the sacrament of marriage, every person can experience love in great measures in return for the love they show others.