Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, by John and Stasi Eldredge

October 21st, 2008

Book Review by Jacqueline Doyle

“I’m trying to remember when I first knew in my heart that I was no longer a girl, but had become a woman. Was it when I graduated from high school, or college? Did I know it when I married? When I became a mother?”

Stasi Eldredge, in her book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul frames the fundamental questions that so many women in today’s world ponder: What does it mean to be a woman?
Growing up in a broken home with an alcoholic father and overwhelmed mother, Eldredge has personally faced the universal questions surrounding what it is to be a woman, albeit through the warped prism that was her childhood experience. Believing that the only way to receive love was by being externally beautiful and talented, Eldredge spent her teenage years in particular with insecurities about her weight, her looks and her very identity. In moving passages, this young writer recalls how through drugs, alcohol and promiscuous lifestyles she sought the love and the affirmation that she never received at home. Her stories will be familiar to scores of women today. Striving to hide her insecurities, Eldredge became a strong adherent of the radical feminist movement in her early twenties. Stasi Eldredge sought to establish her fierce independence by rejecting God, men and family life. Finding that this lifestyle did not shield her from her past, nor insure her from future hurts, this young woman turned to God as her last hope.
In Captivating, Stasi Eldredge, with the help of her husband John, seeks to answer the universal questions that women face through insights and thoughts she developed on her own journey into recovering her femininity.
“[W]e know the expectations that have been laid upon us by our families, our churches, and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But that is not the same thing as knowing what the journey toward becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal really should be.”

Many women look to their society, such as the media and the fashion tabloids to find the answer; others look to their church. These two sources often give conflicting advice. Eldredge however, suggesting a different point of view, calls women to look towards their own hearts, power of intuition and dreams to find the answer to the question of what it means to be a woman. She writes:
“Look at the games that little girls play, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of?”

There are, of course, many possible answers to these questions, but Eldredge narrows it down to three simple longings: to be romanced, to be irreplaceable, and to have a beauty to unveil. These desires are what needs to be addressed and remedied, in order to know what it means to be a woman.
To be Romanced
The desire for love is a universal call therefore common in the world. Throughout history, songs, poems, and paintings have been dedicated to the idea of love. Love is often depicted through the love that exists between a man and a woman. Why does a woman yearn to be pursued, to be romanced by a man? Eldredge claims that the reason women seek this is that they are looking for the answer to what has been their deepest question since childhood: Am I captivating? This question, sadly, is often left unanswered by the fathers, from whom they first seek to receive this affirmation. Due to the crisis in fatherhood today, in which many fathers are simply absent from their daughter’s lives, many women are left wondering whether they are worthy of love. Thousands of movies, music, magazines and books prey on this uncertainty in a woman’s heart, feeding her with lies of what she has to be and do in order to be desired; to be worthy of attention and love. It tells women that in order to be captivating, one must be seductive and physically beautiful, yet independent and successful. But why then do women who have achieved this in the world’s eyes still deal with loneliness and emptiness? Eldredge’s answer is simple and direct:
“The great Love Story the Scriptures are telling us about also reveals a Lover who longs for you. The story of your life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of your heart by the One who knows you best and loves you most. God has written the Romance not only on our hearts but all over the world around us.”

She supports this notion with scripture verses drawn from the Old Testament: “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her” and “You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride.” Eldredge claims that God placed that desire to be romanced in every woman’s heart so that all would seek Him to fulfill their longing, and would recognize God himself seeking intimacy with them.
To be Irreplaceable
“There is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man, or her best friend and you’ll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is a warrior in a uniquely feminine way…Before doubt and and accusation take hold, most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play; they want to believe there is something in them that is needed and needed desperately.”

Eldredge boldly claims that while women want to be pursued and wanted, there is also in them something that desires to be heroic; to be part of something, with someone, bigger than themselves. While living in seclusion may be attractive, at her core, a woman is a social being because she is made in the image of God, who, consisting of the Trinity, is a social being. “Made in the perfect image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose. We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure.” Eldredge means that just as the persons of the Trinity are essential to one another, so is that desire to be needed stamped on a woman’s soul as well. Therefore, if a woman feels as though she is not part of a “bigger plan” she feels that part of her being unfulfilled.
To be a Beauty Unveiled
Eldredge, reflecting on the woman’s desire to unveil a beauty, quotes from her husband’s book, Wild at Heart: “The reason a woman wants a beauty to unveil, the reason she asks, Do you delight in me? is that God does as well. God is captivating beauty. As David prays, “One thing I ask of the Lord, this I seek…that I may…gaze upon the beauty of the Lord” (Ps. 27:4). Can there be any doubt that God wants to be worshiped? That He wants to be seen, and for us to be captivated by what we see.” Just like the desires to be romanced and to be part irreplaceable in a great role a reflection of the Father’s heart, so is the desire to reflect and reveal beauty. There is no argument that God is beauty. Women are made to reflect the beauty of God; and her beauty is intended to draw all so that they may see God. This desire to unveil beauty is there simply because it is supposed to happen in a woman’s life.
The author goes on to show how these three desires can either be met and fulfilled, or rejected and abused, and that the reaction to these questions often determine whether whether a women considers herself a woman living up to her potential. She goes on to show, through personal stories and excerpts from other’s lives, that when these questions are not answered, it affects a woman’s heart.
In the end, however, Captivating is a book of hope. In it, Eldredge shows how God himself seeks to answer these questions in a deeply personal, intimate way for each of us, woman or man.
Stasi Eldredge does an excellent job in naming the “Big Questions” that haunt women in every age and race. One critique of the book stems from Eldredge’s failure to draw from the richness of the Church, especially in how the Church has wrestled with and ultimately helped to define authentic femininity. This leaves her book shallow in substance. Ultimately, Eldredge does what is most important, she draws the eyes of her female readers to the correct conclusion: that woman’s existence and worth must be founded and sustained in God.
“The longings God has written deep in your heart are telling you something essential about what it means to be a woman, and the life he meant for you to live. Now we know- many of those desires have gone unmet, or have been assaulted, or simply so neglected, that most women end up living two lives…But your heart is still there, crying out to be set free, to find the life your desires tell you of.”

Desires of a Heart:
A Review on Stasi and John Eldredge’s Book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

Bibliography

 Eldredge, John, and Stasi Eldredge. Captivating : Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul. Danbury: Thomas Nelson Incorporated, 2007. 1-238.
 Revised Standard Version Bible. 2nd ed. San Francisco: Ignatius P. 1+.

The Fifth Omni Book of Science Fiction, Edited by Ellen Datlow

October 14th, 2008

Zebra BZooks, Kensington Publishing Corp. 1987. 381 pgs.
This is a wonderful collection of short stories by some of the best Sci Fi writers of the 1980’s. There were a few works that may be a bit dated now with all of the advancement in technology, but overall, the themes and ideas were unique and enjoyable. I was interested especially in Orson Scott Card’s story, which didn’t disappoint. Authors included William Gibson, Howard Waldrop, Norman Spirad, and many others. One story called “multiples” looked at an individual who wanted to be included in the subculture of those who had multiple personalities. It was a bit creepy, but certainly creative. For those interested in little bits of Science Fiction, this book will do the trick. The stories are short, but some of the themes being dealt with are very applicable today.

The Mediterranean Caper, by Clive Cussler

September 15th, 2008

Okay, this is my second Cussler experience and I have to say that I do enjoy his work. The whole scene in which Cussler unfolds his plot is one that I am not already familiar with. I love the underwater adventures, possibilities of finding ancient wreckage or sea creatures, and obviously the good guy beating the villain motif, which is an obvious staple in adventure/ thriller books. The only things that kind of irritates me about Cussler so far are his tendencies to keep a lot from the reader, which would otherwise enable someone to put two and two together and solve the caper. Obviously he can’t give up too much, but at some point in the game it just seems some of the lines being connected seem maybe far-fetched. The really big irritation though is Cussler’s understanding of the feminine, specifically in relation to Dirk Pitt. I should read a newer novel of his, because these are a lot older, and maybe he has changed his way. For example, in the early chapters of the book Dirk Pitt has fallen asleep on the shore and is happened upon by a beautiful woman. They exchange some not so suggestive sexual innuendos, which isn’t necessarily the problem. What happens next is the case in point. The woman begins to share with Dirk that she’d fallen in love and married a used car salesman, who died about eight years previous, and in the retelling she becomes a bit lost in the sorrowful memory. Dirk Pitt becomes irritated that this beautiful woman has been wasting away, pining away the years without finding love. So, he slaps her! Seriously, he slaps her in the face and basically says that her husband is dead so move on! AND THEN THEY GET IT ON, right there on the beach! PLEASE! Give me a break! It was so sexist and unrealistic that I was embarrassed. Even in the book, Pacific Vortex the whole feminine scenario was a bit over the top.

Overal, as I stated earlier, I do enjoy his work.

Outlines of the Catholic Faith: Teachings, Beliefs, Practices, Prayers

September 15th, 2008

This is a fantastic book!  It is a great overview of the Catholic faith, with an easy to read format along with substantial content.  It is short but extremely user friendly.  There are some wonderful prayers placed at the end of the book for your personal devotions, and many of the teachings and beliefs are supplemented with references to the Catechism of the Catholic Church.  This is an excellent resource for teachers and a beautiful book for those wanting to know more about what the Catholic Church  teaches, believes and practices.

The Leaflet Missal Company, St. Paul, MN.   1999.  88pgs.

Introduction to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, by Ratzinger and Schonborn

September 15th, 2008

This is a wonderful introduction to the Catechism. Why is the CCC laid out in this particular style? What is the literary genus and method of the Cathechism? What is the structure and content of the text? This little book unfolds these, and various other issues of interest in an easy to read manner. It was fascinating to read about how many people were involved in its compilation, and to note how unified the text reads. Cardinal Schonborn was able to collect the many aspects of this text and place it together in a powerful way. The last half of the book has a short introduction to the four primary parts of the Catechism for those who are not already familiar with the work. I really enjoyed it and think you will too.

Ignatius Press, 1994, 97 pgs.

Pacific Vortex! by Clive Cussler

June 29th, 2008

Bantam reissue: 1994, 270 pgs.
I have been seeing Cussler’s name around for some time but have never read his books, until now. I really enjoyed it. I have to put it in the no-brainer category for now, but honestly I need those kind of books after a heavy work flow or crazy schedule. This is “Dirk Pitt’s first adventure” and it was nice for me to start with Pitt at the beginning. The excitement of underwater adventure, brought with it some expected scenarios (the beautiful girl falls for the hero, along with the good guy winning in the end), but it allows for creative exploration in an area, at least for me, that wasn’t as familiar. Dirk Pitt is not the perfect combination of covert operation expertise, nor is he able to do everything on his own (if not for his help, Pitt’s life would have been lost in the first book). In a weird way he reminds me of a Magnum PI type of character. I do look forward to reading more of Cussler’s works. The only over the top moment for me in this book was the near the end when a few of the female characters are decidedly naked. It just seemed a bit weird and certainly not necessary for the plot to unfold. There you have it.

Speaker for the Dead, by Orson Scott Card

June 2nd, 2008

1986, Tom Doherty Associates, Inc. 415 pgs. This is the second book in the series by Orson Scott Card, the first of course being Ender’s Game. I think I like the first better than the second, although this work certainly deals with a deep and important concepts. How do we deal with others that are different than ourselves? What do we do with truth that can at times seem too difficult to reveal? Is there a proper way to live amongst cultures that are different than ours? What is a person’s real story? How does fear dictate our actions? What I love about Card is that his protagonist is flawed, and the solutions and road to healing isn’t always what you would expect.
Ender Wiggin has rescued the world from the evil Buggers, yet the realization that these aliens were in fact truly intelligent life not wishing to inflict harm, makes this would be hero into the personification of evil. Three thousand years pass and life has traveled to numerous worlds, all applauding the insight of the Speaker for the Dead and hating the Xenocider Ender. It is in this time that a Speaker for the Dead is called, and his arrival not only causes truth to be revealed where it has been hidden, but it also turns a planet towards revolt, unleashes unrest within the community and threatens to collapse any of the good that has been gained thus far. I think it is a mature work when compared with the first, and a worthy contribution to the development of previous ideas.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rules, by Jeff Kinney

June 2nd, 2008

217 pgs. HNA, Inx. 2008.
Wow! I think I enjoyed this book even more than the first. Kinney has a great thing going, and I am certainly looking forward to the latest and greatest publication. If something bad is going to happen, it seems to happen to Greg Heffley. After a horrible summer vacation he now begins a dysfunctional school year. I love it. The section where Greg’s mother decides to join the roll playing world of Magick and Monsters, in order to see if it is too violent, is a thing of beauty, as is the fashion struggle he is forced to endure as a member of the swim team. When his older brother decides to have a part and cover it up, nothing but trouble seems to fall upon poor Greg. The only thing I have a problem with is that Greg seems a little too old to have certain reactions or actions. I keep feeling that Greg is in elementary school or early middle school. Oh well, he’s a “wimpy kid” after all.

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card

May 26th, 2008

A TOR Book, 1977, 324 pgs.
Wow! This book was given to me last week and I have to say it was just what I needed. What a fantastic piece of science fiction! Let the reader beware though, once you start the first, you’ll want to read the rest of the books in the series.
Ender Wiggin is chosen among a select few to save the world from alien invasion, but in the process, who will come to save him? The answer is, nobody but himself. It is a deep philosophical work centered in the not too distant or unrealistic future. What great things can be done if a person is pushed to one’s limit? What if the individual saving the world is just a child? The deception of those in leadership, can be infuriating at times, yet the protagonist not only stands to the occasion of one injustice after another being dished his way, but he also surpasses the expectations of all the scenarios he encounters. There are moments that the black and white of morality become gray, and I am not sure that any of us could do things differently, even if we had the intellect to compete with unique individual. The imagination of Card is stellar! I loved it. He is a hero, but also has flaws and personal longings that remind us of ourselves. What a great surprise! I have already ordered the other books by Card.

Year of Wonders, by Geraldine Brooks

May 21st, 2008

This book makes it official. Geraldine Brooks is one of my favorite authors. She writes with the quality of a classic author and is a beautiful storyteller. This was my second Brook’s novel I’ve read and both times I have been left with such a satisfied sentiment that I feel like I had just witness an inspiring piece of art.

Year of Wonders tells a fictional story that is loosely based on an actual village in England called “the plague village”. In 1666 a contaminated piece of cloth makes it out of the infected and dying London and arrives in a small village. When the plague is discovered among it’s members, the population take an oath to remain among the disease in order to prevent the spread to nearby villages. As a result, two-thirds of the citizens die and the rest are left to pick up the pieces.

This moving story is told through the experience of a young mother who is transformed as a result of witnessing the worst of humanity along with the best of love. This agonizing time becomes a “year of wonders” as she observes new life and new beginning arising out of the blackness of death. It is so beautifully written that one can not help but be moved and quite possibly brought to tears. There were moments when I ached from the wickedness that people can act on. On the other hand, you see true love displayed and hope found in the end.
I have heard it said that this novel was too dark and depressing. But the truth is life can be that way; yet the victory comes with the hope and recovery for which humanity can persevere.